Self Control vs Hedonism vs Asceticism

There is a song by Stone Temple Pilots called “Unglued”. The intro says, “Moderation is masturbation…”. The song’s summary is that pleasure is the answer. If you give someone the choice between pain or pleasure, pleasure is the reigning champion. The lead singer, Scott Weiland, lived out this pursuit in rock star fashion and met an early death due to drug overdose. You can chase the dragon but you will catch it.

Is it that important? You can list many examples who have no limits in their pursuit of pleasure, from the billionaire in the mansion to the drug addict on the street corner. Think about the opposite end of the spectrum where they deny every joy that they can think of. Buddha did this at one time. Some monks do it. Are you one of those types?

We are all somewhere on that scale of desire from lack to excess . There are an overwhelming majority of people who don’t exhibit self control and their lives are in chaos. The argument is not in whether you should or shouldn’t. The argument is internal and requires a herculean effort for most people. There are those who are conscientious, focus their attention on a task, and do without instant gratification. Even these freaks of nature (jealousy speaking here), tend to lack in at least some department. The battle is versus the self. Can you deny a specific pleasure or sacrifice to achieve a goal?

The desire for control over inner and outer circumstances is near universal. Do you know anyone who doesn’t want to control themselves? Many want to eat less junk food, spend less, drink less alcohol, do less drugs, be less lazy, watch less porn, work less, scroll less on the phone, or stop cheating. There are some who cannot control themselves because they lack an internal center. The consequence is they try to control another. You can try, but you can’t. They can decide not to comply at any point. The person in the mirror is the only one you can control. But can you? Do your desires and impulses rule you or do you rule your desires and impulses?

Epictetus says “No man is free who is not master of himself.” I first interpreted that to mean that you are not free if you are not your own boss. Another interpretation is “no person is free who does not exhibit self control.” Are you a slave to your passions? Are you ruler over your desires? Are you master of yourself?

You can exercise restraint. Imagine gaining some control over your body, finances, or personal conduct in relationships. One small change in your diet at a time. One less shopping trip. One less drink. One less fix. One less nap on the couch. One less porn video. One less hour of overtime. One less endless scroll on the phone. Completely cut contact with a forbidden partner. Do it.

There are different levels of self control from one extreme to the other. There is the absolute pursuit of pleasure, hedonism and the complete denial of pleasure, asceticism. There are two terms that are synonyms for some self control – continence and temperance. Both of these words are no longer common usage. They are the middle between extremes.

Continence is self restraint, especially concerning sexual passion. The implication is that it is not as virtuous as temperance. There is physical self restraint but an internal battle of reason versus desire. There is a division in the mind and body.

Temperance is one of the cardinal virtues. The definitions for temperance used are:

1. moderation or self-restraint in action, statement, etc.

2. habitual moderation in the indulgence of a natural appetite or passion.

It is a higher virtue as there is physical self restraint with no internal battle of reason over desire. You integrate mind and body. It is habit, self mastery.

When is the last time someone said you are continent or incontinent, temperate or intemperate? I prefer the term self control. If you are practicing self control, whether there is an internal battle or not, you are on a good path.

There is another extreme where you deny desires completely. Do you believe all pleasure is bad or evil? There are few who practice this but it does not lead to life either. Self induced suffering does not equal goodness.

Good desire versus bad desire.

Why moderate what you desire? Life or death. True or false. The pleasure seeker looks for the endless dopamine hit. Social media has mastered it. How much life has endless scrolling on a phone given you? How much life do you waste? The morbid obese, porn addict, drug addict, drunk, and nympho are further extremes. These are outer expressions of an inner reality. There is no inner control. It was either broken or never learned. The error is some thought and action that is not the best. It may even be tragic. Actions stem from choices. Choices extend from the will (mind/thoughts). If your choices and actions are corrupt, your will is corrupt too in some way. You are only in control of your thoughts and actions/what steps you take or do not take and the direction. Something is in control of you – either you or another. What do you allow to control you? Who do you give power over you? Your desire becomes your master.

The key is to first recognize that the self is out of control. If it isn’t there in the first place, you will have to look outside of yourself for the training and structure. You need help from an outside source – others. There is a temptation to look for a chemical control. There is a place for this but the majority of the time you are looking for a quick, temporary fix to avoid learning the new structure and habits. For example, magic fat loss pills versus learning the new mental habits to self regulate. Change your mind.

The reason why you should change is worthless without the how. In this case, another author does it better. “Atomic Habits”, by James Clear, focuses on how to change your identity through new habits.

*Disclaimer – As of this writing, I don’t receive any money for this recommendation. It is a tool to apply to self control.

If you want to take it many steps further, ask God, big G not little g, to make it clear. Ask where you are in error.

Changes and answers are rarely instantaneous. It is a process. You may fail at first but fail forward. Get up again and again. Persevere. Don’t quit. Track your progress. Each step is moving you towards a higher standard.

Random House. (1947). continence. In The American College Dictionary (Text, p. 262).
Random House. (1947). temperance. In The American College Dictionary (Text, p. 1246).